honesty blog part one !

Kae, guys I'm writing via mobile web so bare with me ;)!

Okae, so I've never let anyone really know how I've really been feeling. Just trying to cover up everything, but they say the truth shall set you free, so I'm hoping that'll happen. I tell my close friends everything but I didn't touch on this subject much cause I couldn't talk about it without crying! I'm not the type to quickly let go, first I have to actually accept.reality and cry then cope, more crying and more coping, I even tried talking shit, but its nothing that I can say because he was flawless to me, so I never noticed bad qualities. I only noticed wierd little things like after he talks his teeth click together, or when he eats sometimes his eyes get lazy or he always chews on the right side, and when something is nasty he makes a sour face and smacks and sticks his tounge out lol, or when he drive he raps w. His hat like jeezy and his hands go wild, or the fact he's not a drive through type of guy lol! The little things always meant more to me! I guess I was so hurt, I made him out to be someone he's not! He's really an amazing person, sure he's cocky and rude and arrogant but he's a goal oriented guy that just wants the best out of life, but I can say one thing I disliked that he did was lying to me. Its like I've known you for damn near four years and dated you for damn near three and the fact you felt like you couldn't be honest with me was a kick in the face. I think everything wouldve ended on a smoother note. Honesty hurts, sure it does but lying to me and then I find out the truth hurts even more. I just don't think it was fair to me.its really funny how someones success brings pain! Never in my life did I think I'd be kissing another guy or calling someone else babe. Neither did I think you'd be deeply in love , making marriage plans or wanting to have kids with someone other than me. But things happen and people change, I guess its for the better but idk! I just never thought it would happen! I swear sometimes I wish I could change the hands of time and make everything new, but w. You and I ! I guess to say that I'm over you, wouldn't make this an honesty blog cause I'd be lying. I wish the feeling was mutual though. Just reading every letter you've ever wrote me or every card you've ever given makes it that much harder! I don't want to dwell on the past but remember when we made our youtube videos and you were like I'd drive through your ass lol, good times ! We'd always say that .. Okae, enough of remember when's! Honestly though, I'm happy he's happy ! I really am, I'm just sad that I have nothing to do with that! I guess its cause I still love him, ;/ I wish I didn't because I know for a fact the feeling isn't mutual! But I am sorry for everything I've said, I can't take it back but I can say I didn't mean it! I do wish you nothing but success and happiness in life, and I'm glad you're happy ...

To be continued ....